The S is for Stupid
by SelahSpinshadow
Summary: Just when you think things can't get any worse . . . something else goes wrong. Some days just aren't worth the effort of getting out of bed.


  
**Author's Note:** Another of the dialogue challenges, this one written for NemKess, who asked for "I thought _you_ knew how to do it." And yes, this really is gen, even if it does rest in a slashy take on the universe!   
**Warnings:** Gen, but with J/D tones...and if I need to warn you for snarky!Jack, then, well.... ~_^   
**Disclaimer:** _Stargate_ and Stargate SG-1 are the property of Jonathon Glassner and Brad Wright...and a whole bunch of corporate entities who aren't me. I just borrowed stuff.   
  


* * *

  


**The "S" is for "Stupid"**

  
There are just some things you don't want to hear in the middle of a combat situation. Especially not from Colonel Jack O'Neill.   
  
"I thought _you_ knew how to do it."   
  
Yup, that would be one of them. And it's even worse when he's saying it to Teal'c.   
  
"I know what it is capable of doing, I do no know how to operate it."   
  
"You could've mentioned that a _little_ sooner!"   
  
For those of you just tuning in, "it" is a fancy new Goa'uld glider/transport with a newer, more efficient drive system and a completely new piloting interface. And enough other gadgets and upgrades to put stars in Sam's eyes. Only it wasn't going to do us any good if we couldn't get it off the ground.   
  
"Well, look, it's still Goa'uld technology, right? How hard can it be?"   
  
If looks could kill. . . . But at least I'd gotten the two of them focused on fixing the problem instead of Jack muttering about whose bright idea it had been to try stealing the thing in the first place (his, by the way). Which was important since we'd already attracted enough attention on this trip to have a whole army of Jaffa after us. And detouring to the hangar meant we were cut off from the gate. Which meant we were sitting in our only means of escape. Can you feel the enthusiasm? Yeah, me neither. . . .   
  
Now, if only Sam wasn't drooling over the tech like a kid in a candy shop. . . .   
  
"This is amazing! A completely customizable interface with variable-layout touch-sensitive panels on this scale . . . do you have any idea what this means? This is a quantum leap forward in intuitive micro-processing!"   
  
"Carter. . . ."   
  
"This sort of technology could completely revolutionize . . . everything. It's like custom-tailored ergonomics on a completely new level, and so much more. Instead of manufacturing fifty different control panels, there's just one, completely adaptable to whatever task you need!"   
  
"Carter. . . ."   
  
"The computing power to achieve this level of adaptability, the sheer amount of sensitivity needed for flat-panel piloting alone is. . . ."   
  
"Carter!"   
  
"Sir?"   
  
"Can. You. Make it. Work."   
  
"If I can figure out how to initialize the control systems and then the flight subrou--. . . ."   
  
"Ah ah ah! Yes or no, Carter?"   
  
"I think so, sir, yeah."   
  
"You _think_ so?"   
  
"Well, I'm pretty sure, once I get something onto the panels. I just . . . have no idea how to do that."   
  
Remember how I said there were certain things you didn't want to hear? Yeah, that was another one. And that special angry growl Jack has when he really just wants to strangle the first scientist he sees. Yes, there is a difference between "strangle the next person to speak" and "strangle a scientist." I should know, having heard both often enough. Usually directed at me. Swear, that man spends more time pissed about something I've said or done or not done or almost said or something. And people think we're in love? Well, okay, we are, but that's besides the point. . . .   
  
Fortunately, no one was strangled because at that moment red lights started flashing on the control panel.   
  
"All right, _now_ what did you do?!"   
  
"Nothing, sir. It must be some kind of remote access. Teal'c, can you tell what's happening?"   
  
"They have issued a general alert to watch for us. It appears that this has unintentionally activated the ship's systems. I will attempt to access them."   
  
For all the things that had gone wrong on this mission, it was a relief to know _something_ had finally gone right. More lights appeared, an array of yellow and blue that spread across the black panels like the startup of a computer screen. And then there was the relief at seeing recognition in Teal'c as the Jaffa sat back.   
  
"I have full system access, O'Neill."   
  
"Well then, what are you waiting for? Get us out of here!"   
  
Watching the ground fall away never felt so good. 


End file.
